In Which we Wrap up February and I think of my upcoming appointments with the doctors...

Good morning, friend! Happy Saturday! The last week of February went by quite fast, and here it is, the end of such month, one to set the tone for 2026, or at least parts of it. I am happy to have you here today in the divagation store and society. How are you? As for me, I am okay, it is that moment of the month when food misses the fridge, and the gas misses the stove, it means it is almost time for more grocery shopping, to be done ideally as soon as possible, with the first day of March, or so. As for the month, I can say with some degree of fulfillment that at least it was a productive one. I have worked on 7 drawings in total, which is quite above average concerning this area. I did write about the same quantity on the blog as well, and I did reach around 900 entries, which I am so happy to have done it. 

The weather has become decidedly hotter, given February is the apex of summer on that regard. I am dreaming of the rains that will come at some point, but for now I just hope I can go one day at a time. Apart from the rise in summer presence of dreadful heat, and the spike of my productivity on the second half of this small set of 28 days, it has been turbulent but okay. I did have many moments of melancholia, but I managed to get past them on the whole. It is tiresome and not ideal, but could be worse. One day at a time.

As March is very close, I wonder what will be my planning for such new set of days. February, though productive, saw moments of melancholia and hopelesness. I have no illusions of having a month without them, though, I don't think one can escape them as to be blissful forever. I pray that I can have time to do what I so have the desire to do. I know I will have an appointment with my bariatric surgeon on Monday, as a check-up, God knows I could use his words of advice, reassurance, just some orientation. I have been regaining weight, it is a pain for most bariatric patients. Many regain weight. Because I was, and am, eating in lesser portions and overall with a significantly better diet - being more thoughtful over protein and not having not nearly as much pizza as before, in fact, having one slice here and there - I thought my issue with weight was mitigated. Well, not quite. Ah, I don't know, I suppose the body likes to gain weight, and to lose it can be a battle, anything can be the excuse the brain needs to hoard, let it me the diet salty snacks I so love, let it be the pasta I have with the chicken. God knows I don't like exercising, I thought I would be able to reasonably avoid such traumatic, even, activity. I don't think I am entirely gone again, I hope not, and if I can avoid it I will, within my limits.

With the current trend, I should say, though, that I really have nothing to complain about the surgery, in fact I only have praise for it, and for the team that assisted me, the doctor is great, the procedure was smooth, the recovery, in the grand scheme of things, was fast. Not painless or without much discomfort, but that did not last, just a couple of bad weeks for, health wise, a marvelous set of years. I still think I am not lost, ir is part of the journey, to regain weight. I don't think I am gone, just living, life is not that enchanting sea of cotton flowers that smell like fresh hair powder, unfortunately.

Another thing I will have is the much needed and also postponed neurological evaluation of my mind. This is just to be sure if I onlh have OCD, if at all, if I also struggle with ADHD, if I actually have depressive episodes... in one hand, I hope I don't have as many mental woes as I suspect I have. I want to be on the levels of normalcy. On the other hand, in the occasion I am clean of OCD, even... that would be scary, because what, then, cause me to suffer so much with my friend not following me on social media, on the crave I have to chat wirh dear friend, and on past episodes in which the frame of OCD made them have sense. If not OCD, why would I write repeatedly that I love my favorite TV show? I thought if I did not have that show in mind, all the time, I'd forget the show and I would lose myself forever. If it was not OCD that made me scared to death of even saying the word "socialism", because if I did, then I'd become one rabid socialist myself, and also betrya my whole life for the sake of being accepted by, again, a friend. Fun, that one freaking friend, I was scared I'd throw myself in the trash can just so I could hear a word of appreciation. It makes so much sense in retrospect I have been for years battling against OCD without knowing. If I find I don't have it, it is back to square one, and that would be terrifying. We will evaluate on this procedure, one I have no idea how it works even. One step at a time.

Fun how it is, I consider myself to be, apart from all the woes, moments of deep melancholia, sadness and depression, at the same time and paralel to that, to actually be fortunate in some ways. I have many moments where I feel terrible, yet I also don't think I could be other person than just being me. I hate that I have so little friends in real life, but I love my pen pals. And as in high school, if I was miserable alone, and quite struggling with deep isolation, I don't think settling for the mediocre majority of people around me would make me any better. If depressed alone, I'd not be better with the people I was surrounded with. Lesser of evils, trade-offs that make life. Anyway.

Happy to be writing. I hope I can keep on writing still for many more years, as the blog is likely to reach its 10 year old anniversary in 2028! I should wrap up today's entry around here, it is getting quite big, I am happy to have finished another one. One step at a time! When should I return to write some more? Likely by next week, we will open March, and we will talk and I hope I have something interesting to write about! In any case, thank you for reading this one, Wish you the best! See you again real soon, farewell for now. Cheers, enjoy your weekend! I will try to have some good days if I can.