In Which I recall some older days, and mental tiredness due to a game I am ambivalent about

Good morning, friend! I wish you, of course, a wonderful Tuesday. How are you? And how have you been? How is the weather? Here it has been not as hot as in late march, I think we are indeed approaching the height of Fall and the gates of Winter, but also, not as coherent as it can be, in the beautiful greys of June and July. As for me, I am... Okay? I did have a messy couple of months, when I think about it, as I described to my dietitian yesterday. I think some therapy could do me good? I certainly miss it. I of course can't return now due to the lack of funds, but it is not as urgent, either, given I am stable as long as I have my medicine for mental regulation of the humors. Right now I am just tired, guess a reason to write today's post, I was not planning to write as much in the beginning of today. I am mentally exhausted. It is how I feel after every match of Victoria 3, which is a game that it is haed for me to say if I actually love it, or just play compulsively. Definitely has a delayed gratification feel to it. At the immediate moment I put the game to the side, I feel so drained it is as if my life is ending. When I recover, though, and I talk of the game, and of the things I did, at times, most often, I feel bliss. This is how stimulating Europa Universalis was for me, and at the same time, how deeply frustrating. Victoria 3 is not as frustrating, but it is a tiresome game, and one taking my time away I feel. I really, really do not want to stop with it, but I recognize and desire to have a break of a few weeks from it. I hope to have the strenght to do so. And imagine, they are adding more content to such piece, and really soon! Still, I cannot keep brushing aside how tired I feel, how I desire (or wish I could desire) do anything else, from perhaps drawing, to reading, to writing some more. Another game, if I ever could desire another one. I am tired, I should take a break from this game, at some point, and I should try another game, like Nova Roma, like Town to City... maybe even dare to try a bit more of Anno 117? If I want some safe haven, Anno 1800... I am also on the mod spree for Civ 5, another game on the exhausting delayed gratification side. Now, one should not I'd say tell me to be coherent and actually do this. I probably will return to Victoria 3 even today, if I so desire. I don't want to desire, but I think of a friend that read this post and think when I write later that I played more Victoria 3 "you said you'd take a break!" And I would say "I am coherent in many parts of my life, at some point I should bend over". Not ideal, but just how it is, at times. The interest dims anyway, I stopped with Europa Universalis 4, as such, I can even fly. I can do anything.

Speaking of the weather, it rains as much as it could, right now. It does not stop, it keeps on going, the weather is positively cool if you take in mind the tropical area. The clouds expell the sunlight away. I am in bliss. How I wish winter could make itself more present and more often. I wonder if I will ever write again, another story... maybe I should bring back the desire or write the short ones, if I can. I tried the big saga once, and it destroyed my creative fire for a while. If I ever feel ambitious again, maybe I should even revisit those stories. Not sure, I want to still be psychological in them, but I am tired of traumas, it is a cheap asset. Or, if I do have it, as I grow so distasteful from the Cal-Art generation of cartoons, that being an euphemism, I hate those people quite a bit, and they hate me back, I should diferentiate myself more emphatically from this group, and of others that I dislike as well. God knows I am quite easy to displease. My high school classroom also knew, I detested most of them. Fortunately, I flew under the radar, or so I hope, so my disgruntlement was not aknowledged as much. As I prefer. Leave me to my lamentations, as much as I complain I am alone, I did learn at that time that it is much preferrable to be alone than to have bad influences, bad conpanies, as the Psalm says, the First one, that my grandpa loved. 

Well, I did write a lot today, and quite frankly as well. There is a video that says one should not overshare online, and I don't think I am, but really, there is something cathartic about it. So, here is a page of the journal of someone not important but with thoughts in any case. I am not proud of my unimportance, but I just see it as with upsides most ignore. I am just happy with the friends I have, thank you. And I must say I did have friends in High School as well, I can even name more than one, as I can name also people I absolutely abhorred, and the frenemies, some vapid ones too, and in fact, much better to have vapid relationships at that age anyway, less chance for trauma. I of course crave beautiful friendships that are epic, as I read in some books, but anyway, it has been 10 years since High School. And I am never am to get back to rhose days, there is no such thing as time traveling. 

Hope to return here again soon, before the weekend if I can, so I can share more thoughts, ideas, and so on... thank you for being here. Happy rest of the week, I do wish you the best, and I hopw you are okay, farewell for now, never say die.