Good afternoon, my friend! Happy Monday! How are you, today? How have you been over the past week or so? I am aware that unfortunately the rhythm of posts went downwards... I hope I can bring it up a bit, if possible. I have been okay, I suppose? Just picking myself together each day from melancholia, my usual daily lamentations. At moments a nap can bring my moods up. These days, I write on the blog when I have a word or idea stalking me, and perhaps this is the reason why I at times hesitate to mention them. Today, I was thinking that maybe my intellectual journey and all that is not a trip to some different foreign land, promise or unknown. Reading Chesterton more than before have made me think of something: it may as well be a journey back home. Most of what I today trust, convict, and agree upon, were started with gut feelings long ago. I have always appreciated the odd and the nuanced much more than what is hailed as good. That brought me to capitalism, an idea villified all around me when I was a kid and a teen. That brought me into Marie Antoinette and Nicholas II, that were treated worse than the devil by the very politicized history classes of middle and high school. I had the gut feeling, and also the hatred towards communism, the huge hatred and distaste towards socialism, which were seen as a golden ideal by all around me, either as a road to heaven, either as a distant dream. I always opposed them both in my strongest term. Unfortunately, however, gut feelings won't do. Most people, and specially those that dictate fashion, most despicably won't take you seriously if all you have is a bad taste for those things they love. And yet, in a very cruel way, school does not give you the tools to build your case. They throw you what they want to push: marxist thinkers of all nuances, all the most despicable firebrand and straydog ideas. Moral relativism, materialism, atheism. I never heard the name Ludwig von Mises until 2016, my last year in high school, after being forced to hold the line of my thoughts with almost no intellectual ammunition, against an incessant attack from the left, nothing to put the maoist struggle sessions desiring anything. I am stubborn not as an indulgence, but rather, I am stubborn because I want to live. I am not self centered because I am egoiste, rather because there is no other way for me. Here is where thr journey back home comes fourth. By having to discover names like Ayn Rand, like Chesterton, like Mises, their ideas that align to my own, I could pave a way back to myself, and to better say "I am not giving you an inch of myself, because I am right, and you are wrong". Not feeling this just as a gut feeling anymore, but with better ammunition and ways to morally withstand on myself, because I lose a bit of me, that I can never recover, when I give in. OCD made it all much worse in 2015, for example, where I had to recite for hours whom I was "a capitalist, on the right, and communism is evil, and socialism is evil". And I would say this hours and hours on end becaus everyone around me was constantly telling me the opposite. I knew they were wrong and evil, but how wrong and evil, only much later I came to realize. Perhaps I should not underestimate me as much, then, given most are prone to deep deep loss, a fate worse than just being mediocre, specially in the inferno that Brazil still is. The truth does set you free, and with freedom comes bliss, and fortunately, I had the right impulse from the beginning.
Well, this is what I had in mind to share for today. Another reflexive piece, and God knows I don't like to think too highly of myself, because if I am given the chance, I will. I can go all the way on the scale of megalomania, and God knows I hate when allowed to go the distance, as the fall and the painful frustration at the end are brutal. No, there is ALWAYS someone more than you, better than you, superior to you, and that is not a bad thing. There is no place like home, no better car than the car you own, it is yours.
With all that being said... should I wrap up the post here? You know I hate writing too much, those long and boring posts, let us keep it boring but maneageble, shall we? My friend, how happy to see you. I hope you can have a beautiful week, and I hope I can come back here soon, to write some more. Wish you the best, don't worry as I should be back soon, and happy new week, once again.
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