In Which July has days of Apathy

Good afternoon, dear friend, reader of this post! I wish you a happy Sunday! How are you, today? How is the weather? Hope you are okay, the temperature is mild, and all the best! As for me, one has better days than other ones. There is the true necessity of proceeding one careful step at a time. I did have some bad situations, specially concerning my mind and my lamentations, but I also had stable ones... I am happy that I managed to work on some doodles the past few days. I did have a job interview this Wednesday, but that went nowhere. Been trying not to burn out on my favorite hobby, which is videogaming, not entirely being successful at it. I am thrilled in seeing Victoria 3 still receiving good recognition and coverage over their latest patches, but at times I open the game more compulsively than in desire to play. That hurts. Other games, such as Anno, and Sims 3, that have the first returned to my repertoire, the other entirely replaced the other Sim game in my gaming circuit, many times fail to entice me. At times I want to visit the classic that is Civilization 5, but I am not on a Civ season these days. It is what it is, comes and goes. I would love to read more, but that book I am reading about Trivium, important as it is, has been proving to be such a immense desert that I am seriously considering putting it aside, at least for now, and try to revive my reading season with something much more stimulating. But, in reading, the bane of my existence, which is paralysis, specially of decision fatigue nature, plagues me also. Immensely frustrating. Again, it is what it is, but very much discouraging as well.

The fact the job interview was at the end a small waste of my time but immense disappointment as well, that is deeply frustrating. I do wonder when will I be able to properly be inserted into the job market. I did hear I am looking it on the wrong side of things... on that, I answer: if you have a better idea, monsieur, I would love to hear what that is. In any case, I do need money, and have been in this need for a while. Fortunately, thank Goodness, dad has been on a more stable financial position, but his moment of financial trouble, and coinciding with grandma also having her own hurdles, show once more I could use my own independent source of income, rather than just allowances. 

I am happy that I did some drawings, and the lovely pen pals that I paid homage to, they loved the final results, I am happy to be writing today, heavens know I have been with a fog in my mind concerning reading and writing, perhaps I should blame on my elevated intake of coffee... and I know one cannot win all the time in all fronts... but life feels dreary and stagnated some days. Inability to decide plagues me, and I suppose this is also because I hate to feel like I am losing my time on something. The game I pick, must be the game to cure my depression. The song I choose to listen to, must be the sonf thst will define this season of my life. The worst part is that I know that is not sustainable and I never did not aknowledge that is not realistic, and yet, that still plagues me. It does because grey moments are frequent and yet they scare me. They do cause me fright because I am always weary of the menace of clinical depression, or just snapping, on the sense of drowning in tears, sending 10 messages a day to dear friends that will be very much worn thin. It is similar to my position in 2015, when I was actively avoiding any sort of slip into deep melancholia, but at least I am mentally much more stable than I was a decade ago, thank goodness.

It is not all bad, mind you. I hope I did not transmit the idea I am in a spiral of crisis, I am not. It is, though, that I have moments of apathy and dread, and they tend to be more frequent than I'd like them to. If anything, I am stable, financially it is not that bad, grandma is helping me trying to get a good work to do, to get some money and more room to breathe. The supersonic carrousel of events around me unfold, I would mention it more, but this post is getting big and I don't want to mix everything up even more. It is not the focus of today's writing. Overall, it is reasonably a 6 out of 10. Passable in most institutions. Birthday is around the corner, opportunity to receive some gifts, rememberance and kindness from people I care about. I will be 27, gee, already almost at the 3rd decade of life. That is both wonderful and scary. I don't think I will ever not celebrate my birthday, I could be at the gates of paradise, at 80 or 90, still, I just can't see it as a bad thing. I wonder who will be around so many years from now to celebrate another yeat with me, that is probably story for another day, literally. God knows, now, I would love dear friends to celebrate my next year of life with me. I also could use a new phone... iOs 26 is a reminder of the growing tech gap between the world of today and tomorrow, and my beloved but aging iPhone 11. I hope I get some nice job sometime, I will get the newest iPhone and I will smell its beautiful aroma, the aroma of a new iPhone, once more.

Okay, I think I wrote much more than I was planning, objectively quite a big post! I love to write and it is therapeutic, cliches exist for a reason. So, I think we should wrap up for now! No worries, I should return here to this publication with more routine, thoughts, ideas, pretty soon, hopefully more than once in this new week! Until then, thank you for being here!! Wish you the best!! See you again real real soon!!! Farewell for now!