In Which Lovely Rainy days not always translate into good days

Good evening, dear friend, reader of the present post of the Divagation store! How are you, today? How was your past week, and how did this one began for you? How is the weather? So many questions! As for me, the weather has been lovely for the most part, I have not a reason to complain on that department, except perhaps it is raining less than I'd prefer, but it is what it is. I can still enjoy my sock collection, my sweaters as well, I count my blessings! As for me, I am okay, this Monday I went to the supermarket and had the time of my life. I went there to buy a thermic water bottle for daily use, given they were offering a decent model for a very reasonable price, I could not miss the opportunity. I had some extra pennies to spare, given grandma was as kind as ever, God bless her, so I also got myself some food for the day. And indeed, for the day, most of it is gone by now, alas. Still, was nice to go there and do things, see people, you know, breathe the air conditioning, see the bright fluorescent lights, I say this without a hint of sarcasm or irony, I love that ambience, and if I dig into my history, I always have.

Now, this Wednesday, I went to visit grandma, and I saw my dad, as he returned home from a trip and brought me some gifts, they are awesome, a nice shirt, an amazing fridge magnet, those are amazing souvenirs, and some dark chocolate. Grandma was asking for when I'd visit her again, so it was a nice opportunity to do so. I find that I miss her too, it is laborious to travel to her place, so I only do it sparcely. In addition, I have been feeling like staying at home these days, the past few months have been lesser than ideal. There are good things, such as the weather of autumn/winter, but also college stress, the daily deep loneliness, the longing for talking to some dearest best friend, most people are terribly busy. There are the financial hurdles, I did spend far more in May than the ideal, and as a result I am having trouble paying the bills. I hope I can arrange things, but the stress remains. 

Speaking of stress, it has been the fifth attempt I am making to write on my journal. At times, I wonder why even bother... It is not like I haven't let some projects slip by before, such as the more personal journal, that I haven't touched since 2023. I enjoy writing, though, and writing out loud for people to read. I appreciate the transparency I offer. I have this silly idea that it could be meaningful archive for someone someday. An internet archeologist, something silly of the sorts.

I did think about mentioning the book loose project, why should I bother, anyway? Such thoughts never stopped grandpa, but he was much more pragmatic than me, for most things. I ended up not proceeding much on it, but I could for example say that the frustrating attrition that is going around my city, how joyless it is, and the stupidity of some around me concerning most ideas, maybe if I write something, may be cathartic to someone that shares my ideas, that are classical liberal at the fashion of John Locke, with some flavor from the french phisiocrats, and specially the sober analisis of Edmund Burke, that I have been reading and finding it brilliant. That also is reflected on urban planning, one approach akeen to some ideas by Jane Jacobs, without some of her bad ideas on housing subsidy, and the idea that at the end of the day, given no one is entitled to anything, that makes having a joyful place to live even more necessary and precious. Even if it cannot be maintained. 

Those moments in which I am more talkative make writing so much better. When one has nothing to say, why bother... I happen to have some thoughts at times, maybe someone else will find reading them cathartic, I cannot tell for sure. I treat anyone that stop by as friend in potential, I could not do any other way. Some days I am quite tired,  cannot keep my eyes open for too long too well... frustrating, and as I write on my phone, it makes the process more tiresome. Today, having the opportunity to write it on the computer, with my keyboard, I am loosely reminded at how nice the writing process can be! 

The second half of June has been unproductive, unfortunately so. Not many drawings, and doubts prevent me from writing, and when I can write, and feel like it, my eyes start weighting a hundred thousand kilograms, I did mention before, and I close my lid to sleep, and sleep I do, for hours. Sadly, in many moments, not the most productive of sleeps, given I wake up drained, more exhausted than before, and not know what year is it. At times I even feel afraid of sleeping, which is infuriatingly frustrating.

Speaking of visiting grandma, I am not sure when I should exactly return home, my brother will travel and my mom will likely do the same. I don't know if I should stay at home by myself, there is not enough food, and I can feel lonely. I should ask my mom when she'll return to her trip, if at all, then I will think about a day to go back, loosely, though I will probably just do it on a whim before the time of my return comes. 

I trust I should wrap today's post here, I fortunately, finally, wrote a cohesive piece, how happy I am! When should I return? I pray hope real soon, before the weekend if I can, though most likely after that. We'll see. I really don't want to interrupt my habit of writing, journaling, I like my creative endeavors, at times is all I can do. Thank you so much for being here, wish you the best! See you again real real real soon! One step at a time. Farewell just for now.