Good morning, sir friend, reader of this present post. How are you, this beginning of weekend? How was your week as a whole? On my end, I would say it was productive! I worked on two drawings, which is rare in itself, and I had a particularly good day, where the games I played made me happy, for a change. I adore when a hobby returns to making me happy, stimulated... these days it seems most of what I do fail to produce in me any joy. Sad when an activity that should occupy your idle time, and God knows I have a lot of idle time, with much needed joie de vivre, fail to do so. Where else to go, anyway?
I feel in many cases drained. Perhaps I should, not in all, but in some cases, return to less complex paths concerning mods. I would not call it going back to the basics, but as an example, I had a visual glitch in Civ 5 recently, that caused me to become weary of the amount of mods I am using to play the game over the past months. Perhaps taking away one or two is in order. On this and on other titles, such as Anno 1800. In Anno 117, I suppose I should remove one that limits the amount of farm fields necessary to 20. That is too little, I think in that title, I went the easy direction too soon. We should see. Maybe I could try a different game, if at all...
Am I too consumed by videogames the past months? I don't think it takes much from drawing or from writing, to be fair. I also don't think it takes much from my studies, and quite the opposite in fact. But I do worry, I worry I am guilty of being too driven by hobbies, when I cannot find internship, or a job. That is troublesome. I definitely need money of my own, but I have no idea how to even search for work. That is a problem I have been facing for some years now. And it does not help when you add college's requirement for internship into this. I have no idea how that works. I have no idea how will I fair concerning this semester, should I fail to provide the hour requirements for such thing. I did go to schools nearby, but have not found so far a spot there for me. Quiet desperation has been a constant over the past months or so. Not ideal, now is it?
Again, it is a blessing when I can write. I feel terrible when I do not, I feel even more uselees, but should it matter if I am useful at all or not, in the first place..? I have been dreading to ask the question of the meaning of life. Really, perhaps I do know it: I am a practical person, and I like beautiful things, and I want to just pursue my personal comfort, the little joys of reclining in a comfortable sofa, or bed, or armchair. I am resentful that many do not agree. Some say one should toil, I am hostile to this idea. Happiness is really when I can rest and find that I can rest comfortably. Stability is nice. I wish I could have more means to earn money, as to be mentally comfortable too. I find I am not attracted to the extraordinary, the notorious. Do I need to pursue actual greatness to earn a living? To get out of some comfort zone, to just get a nice meal? Should I allow myself to be forced to exercise, just to earn my time of resting, and not to have to hear I should do something, or else I will be fat and will die horribly? Must one thing be an extreme or the other? I prefer to not gravitate towards such view. I am sad I live in such a geographic space where I feel trapped. My friends all far away. The surroundings are grey, and the houses have tall walls, because it could not be different. I have mention we all live in fear of the criminals that swim in the roads like the evil sharks they are, with their visions blurred by the drugs they take, and they do take them. And they have sanctions from above, from people that adore to see the honest majority that can make even a bit of means, God knows how, bleeding, as those socialist bureocrats rejoice in seeing whom they seem as enemies suffering. They cannot yet cause us all to suffer as explicitly as they desire, so they devour by the fringes, such is their tactic...
Anyway, I have written a lot. I should work on some breakfast, that would cheer me up, as it is I am a bit hungry, the hunger of the morning. I did not sleep much, but still a breakfast is in order. Just for sake of routine. The post is incoherent, I start talking of one topic, jump to the other, and if I ask any artificial intelligence to evaluate such publication, it will ask me to avoid political bickering, for broader appeal. Ah, but I do not seek that, this is a place for me and the likeminded. I have absolutely nothing to gain having some more socialist leaning person to read it. They can if they should desire, but they will probably be resented by my words, and I cannot blame them, their words would cause me to be resented as well. The post is incoherent, but I tend to write my thoughts and intuitions in such manner. I am grateful for the friends that may read what I write, I do not expect any to come by, I have no requests for anyone to be here. But if they do, how grateful I am, and apart from my strong convictions, I hope I can offer good words, and a good glimpse into my life, and with comfort, not friction, even if that may happen, as I am a person of strong convictions, and those tend to stand their ground, that is not really well received, but it is what it is, alas. I should wrap it here, I have written a lot, it is hard to begin, but a thought in motion cause it to be hard to finish to. I should end it here, and return to the blog at some other point, soon! Hopefully at some point by next week, we will see what I have to write... I am sure I will think of something. In any case, thank you, wish you the best, see you again real soon, don't worry! Farewell for now.
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