In Which I have some nice online friends

Good morning, my friend, reader of this post! As an opening remark, ah, I should tell, At some days, it is hard to keep my eyes open as I write. Profoundly tiresome, I say, and hardly fails to happen. But anyway, I am happy to be here. The past few days I have been tired and hopefully resting, while also doing my own gaming-mod stuff at the computer. I ought to catch up with college stuff, but fortunately I am not behind. There is the issue with the internship, but that has been a grey area. I cannot tell for sure where I will be concerning the topic, not now. I can only wait to hear back from the schools I applied this Monday, if at all. Apart from such problem, though, happy to say I am quite caught up! One step at a time, I hope this course is the one I graduate! 

How happy I am to see you. It has been hard to do creative rhings the past week or so. I open the blog page, and I disperse quite fast. Nothing comes to mind in concerning writing. And, at times, when I do have an idea, the link between my head and the paper cannot be established, which is heartbreaking. Not feeling stimulated to write is a factor that does not help. I have one idea, though, that should provide me a good reason to scribble here! I have so many anazing pen pals, they are all people I am grateful and mind blown to have the opportunity to chat with! In particular, though, as a way of counting blessings, what convos or kind gestures caused me to have a good moment? Over the course of the week, specially the past few days, I want to of course mention some in specific. I thank you Andy for the great convos we have, you are always so kind and you mean a lot to me! Thank you Sophus also for the great convos, you are most kind and you were always so open to talk whenever possible! I am grateful. There is dear friend Charlie, whom always brings me great smiles and much joy. I may forget someone, I apologize, I don't do this out of malice, I just can be forgetful, one can be forgetful after all, it happens. But I am grateful. Grateful to Johannes for talking to me via comments the other day, it was amazing to see you once again dear old and best friend. One of many, with Charlie and John of Arc too. Tibor always cheers me up, thank you friend! You are so elegant! Ruben, I always mention Ruben for his immense support on Patreon. And thank you James for all the work you do in your podcast. Your work is absolutely necessary and even crucial.

What else is there to be said? One cannot live out of woes all the time. I am tired. Sometimes I feel exhausted and defeated. I don't even like to mention the things that cause me to weep. Just because I feel like those are worse than already I feel they may be. Just tired. I wish I could have written a bit more this month. I was a bit anxious yesterday. While I did have a good therapy session for my neurological mapping of sorts, I got worried about the possibility I may be classified as dense or stupid. No, I don't think I am, neither do I think that would be the result. I think I am okay, perhaps above average in some areas. But I am weary I can be quite overconfident, so the other side of my conscience does the "memento mori" and says "you could as well be stupid, and if you are, while saying you are not, people will laugh at you and abuse of you with their sinister words". It happened before, too. But really, such overcorrection on a small topic is annoying. I have improved in keeping such bad actors in check, but still I am plagued by some bad memories from, again, school. You see, I was pretty awful in mathematics, could not study on my own for the life of me (still have great difficulty in doing so). I am naturally drawn to my own amusements when on my own, or to distractions. If something is more painful than holding a pencil, I can even shut off for the effort. Forcing never got much out of me. Perhaps at times, but the mental backlash is immense, perhaps why I developed most of the traumas I do have. Always to do with the pressure of not making myself the object of ridicule. So it goes.

With those moments of woe of the mind, and also my sleepiness, I again must mention it is great to have the best fruends I do have. I mentioned many people before on thus blog that eventually faded, but I like talking to some people anyway. I did mention dear Charlies, and dear Johannes, absent as he may be.. in any case, I should mention again as well I am tired, so given my eyes want to close desperately, even after some mugs of coffee, and pure coffee this time, we are out of milk for today. As such, let us wrap today's post here! I hope to be back before the weekend. We will see. Until then, thank you for being here, my friend!!! Farewell just for now!!!