Good morning to you, dear friend, reader of this post, and I wish you the most wonderful day that you can have. And I want also to ask: how are you? How have you been? As for me, if you want to know, of course, I am… okay, I’d say. You are aware I have my ups and downs. I believe yesterday was a day with both ups, and downs. Fun how things go. The most impactful thing that I decided to do, I believe, was to apologize to someone I have caused discomfort in the past, and to beg for his forgiveness, and for reconciliation. I don’t expect any answer, and speaking to friends about it, I have a sensation I won’t get a satisfactory conclusion to this one. Well, what I could do, I did, I hope so at least. Apart from that, I finished a drawing to my friend, but, though he said he liked the sentiment, the drawing does not please him, which is sad but perfectly fine. I was mentioning to him this morning, and to some other people I correspond with, how I wish I could draw better, but I am not a good self-taught person, at all. I am not saying this of self-pity, and I don’t want this to be a limiting factor, but it is a fact I struggle with keeping interest for more than one hour or so at a time. I lack discipline, overall, to improve more, to the point I desire. Other friend kindly replied telling me that the only way to improve is to keep on drawing, keep going. I do agree, but I don’t think making mudcakes is gonna take me somewhere…
I lack the method to improve I suppose, I believe work smart is better than working hard per se… I feel I am too harsh on myself, at moments, nothing what I do seems enough to keep people around, what I have interests in, I feel won’t take me anywhere, as it is not something both on the know-how of a trade, or that someone would value. I am studying Management and business atm, but the current module is garbage, just a bunch of.. I can’t even bare to say it, “environment social governance”. Gross, the trojan horse of post modernism and socialism on a field that should not be on their grasp. Alas, the grasshopper is hungry, and won’t rest until the land is sterile. I am very crushed by the fact I feel powerless to do something to stop the grasshopper, and I don’t see anyone around me doing enough to stop the engines of destruction… on one hand, there is this. On the other, my favorite people are either too busy with their lives or don’t like me. It hurts. As for a job, that would help me recover from my bad financial situation, I need to work on the resume again. Then, once done, I need to look for a nice place for appliance. But that is not enough, I ought to write something for the libertarian publication, or else I will be better off dropping the whole project. Maybe a more mechanic routine with defined time for things could help me lift up the dreariness. But, there is always a but, is there not? Anyway, but I lack discipline. I delight myself in bed for longer than I should. When I play my beloved videogames, I always indulge myself an hour or so further than I should… I believe I will proceed further, though. Hope, also, I may sleep better… these days I don’t think I’m waking up at the appropriate time. So… what else is there to say?
As an achievement some will overlook, I reach the end of another post of the divagation store... Tomorrow should be a better day, because there will be the first DLC of Victoria 3, another patch update for Anno 1800... Today, I lack the emotional energy to endure, I find myself at the verge of tears, and conversations are never enough... I ought also to scan some drawings to my computer...
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