Hello, my excellent friend, and happy Saturday! Happy December, and I wish you the best! How are you, today? And how did your month begin? As for my own, I slept a lot, and at the end of it, I had to go out with my brother and my mother, which proved to be an unpleasant experience. I was always tense, and worried about where the conversation was going. I hate what my brother is becoming, and the ideas he has been listening to, causing bigger estrangement between us. I hate to feel this way, but I will pick my ideas, over our relationship, in any day of the week, if I set out to please everyone I will be as the paper in the wind, ready to fall on a puddle and be destroyed by the water. No. I firmly stand my ground. I just wish I could be more assertive, but my mother is intimidating, causing this to be too much of a burden for my weak stomach, and I cry and feel terrible. If only I had other place to go. My grandma is not ideal for other reasons, she always has something negative to say to me, always is preaching about losing weight, and every time I try to start a conversation, she barely listens. We agree on many fundamentals, but that doesn't help much on the daily life, specially when she is pushing tasks upon me, that I don't desire on doing. So, not really at home living at the current house, not really at home going to my grandma's, and God forbids far away from me having any place next to my dad. If life can be unpleasant with my beloved mom, and the brother I tolerate, with dad is absolutely hell, as he drinks and is overall so hard to deal with! An ideal place is a place where, if people don't share my values, they leave me be, as I am not ready to even think about moving alone to my own house. I am not there. I first would need a steady income. I would need to finish school, ideally, as well. I never wish to firm my ground on this city I live in. I don't like it here much. It could be worse, true, but... my brother's mentality always reminds me why I hate it here... It is painful for I hate being alone, but I only have myself to truly count upon. I guess this is why I love my friends as much as I do... I mean, Charles and Johannes are the friends that come to mind when I say this, but I am sure there are many others. The point what I'm trying to make is: they get me. I don't have to explain myself, say sorry, even stand my ground or feel uncomfortable. No. I get them, they get me, we speak on a similar language, we understand one another. Is it ideal? No. Charles and I, and even Johannes and I, we have our disagreements, but overall, we don't have to walk on eggshells in order to talk with one another. They get me, I get them. This is what I'm grateful for this Christmas. And about mom, I am grateful for her, as well, I always lament that she is, much to my sorrow, a socialist, but as long as I don't have to be with her and my brother much. I trust my brother brings the worst in her. How I hate those filthy post-modernists. No one is beyond salvation, true, but God, how can someone let themselves be corrupted by the devil this much? There is such a thing as the devil, and he is the father of Post Modernism, of gender theory, of those truly nefarious ideas, that I hope someday can be forgotten... anyway, what else is there to be said, on this topic? Likely, I will return to it, but for now, I feel better just by letting this away from my head and into the digital paper. I understand freedom of speech, and of press, are highly in jeopardy in this God forsaken place, governed by the most disgusting of socialists, of the most evil of ideas, of the most Godless of folk, Oh my, I hope they someday get everything they sow back to them, and with interest. But well, I still have this blog, and as long as I am small, under the radar, I should be safe.
What will I do today, to spend my time and make painful reality less of a burden? I guess I could draw? I have some friends I want to portray... I could play something, and drink coffee. I was playing some Vic3, and though my RNG wasn't favorable in some points, it was in others, making the game not as bad to pass reforms and so on. I still am on the goal of reforming Russia, making it into a free market society, where people can handle their own affairs and the state is as minimal as it can be. Making religion a question of soul and not for the political sphere. I hope I can allow for freedom of the press as well, and making the local representatives elected. I also hope I can allow for suffrage to be introduced, so the affairs of state can be more dilluted into society. Of course, one must always proceed carefully, never forgetting the pillars of power of Tsarist rule, which is our Christian Orthodox faith, the landed aristocracy, and the tsar as the unifier of the folk, that are important, even in a freer, reformed and more tolerant Russia. The country is to change, but may the morals be good and uplifting, and art edifying. What else is there to be said? I am very happy to be writing on this post, today, also! A post that, alas, I will wrap up pretty soon. I know I complained, and I apologize for it, and I thank you for listening. But if you are still here either way, which I will never take for granted, thank you, don't worry, I will be back at some point next week, hopefully by Wednesday, to write some more, about Christmas, about good things, not about my sorrows, I hope. In either case, I wish you the best! Don't worry, I will be back! Cheers, wish you the best, happy December, happy Christmas, and see you real soon!
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