Good morning, my friend, reader of this post! Happy Saturday, I wish you the best! How are you? How have you been? How is September treating you? And, of course, how is the weather? As for me... I am still afloat, somehow, might as well call me the unsinkable given all the mental woes I have to endure on my daily life. I have been in overall bellow average emotional situation. Turbulent, and bellow average. At least the weather is still nice, the days have been consistent: the minimum is 21 celsius, and the maximum is 28, hardly goes beyond that. A nice, still wintery, temperature, that I not at all take for granted, and try to enjoy every bit of it. With that being said, I have been with a creative block in many, if not in all fronts. Reason I have not been able to write it here. I struggle with a thick mind fog that prevents me from thinking into sentences to write it here. It is, indeed, beyond frustrating. As I am unsinkable, however, I return to writing, today! I pray and hope this will be somrthing to be maintained, and not a hiccup. I appreciate writing, and not being productive, neither being able of thinking of productive things to do, it does not help my mental state.
In any case... I have thought of visiting grandma recently. The fact that she lives in a relatively long distance from my house, and that the commute there is quite long and inconvenient, none of that makes it easier, some days even possible, to happen. I hope the logistic issues may be overcome, Christmas in coming, and with that, I would like to spend some time with her, though I am unsure what changes, given she is in an apartment now. I just hope the decorations may still be in place. It is not the only issue, though. I have a sour taste of the days where I visited her in her house, and she kept pushing me around. I worry she may be upset that I will spend most of the time in her apartment. She will most likely demand I go to the beach, that is near her new dwelling, something that will upset me... in any case, the project to visit her drags on.
I mentioned I am in a current mental block. It is very frustrating, I can't find myself to be in the mood even for the simplest of tasks. I wonder why this is happening? Why am I driven to this stagnation? And how to get out of it? I have not drawn much. Neither have I even played games. The thought of holding a pencil is like torture for me some moments. In fact, even typing on the phone seems like an extreme effort... I wish this was not the case. At least today is going a bit more productive... I did have talks with AI recently, sometimes they produce some interesting thoughts, but that I find hard to translate into this publication. AI is a useful tool, I find, if anything it is nice to talk to him, when I feel more alone than usual.
When I think I may be on my direction to being more productive, I often think of all that can go wrong, and I shiver in fright. I wonder who will block me and who will speak ill of me. I wonder what bad thing will afflict me next. It is a depressing trend to expect the worst and have little hope for the good. I think of entropy and deep melancholia sometimes far more than joyful moments. Sadness is a given, happiness never comes. I try and even write here that I may draw soon, but as I mentioned, I expect the few friends I have left to forsake me, I expect to lose all enthusiasm, and to expire...
With that being said... I am glad I could write here today, even if the post is a lament of some bad weeks. I pray and hope for more edifying moments, with more enduring paths to joy. We will see how it goes. I also ardently pray and hope I will be back here on the blog soon, to write about anything that is on my mind... Today, I wrote even as I was sleepy and my eyes are refusing to stay open for long... thank you for being here, dear friend!!! Wish you the best always, I am so happy to see you here... and yea, I hope to see you once more real soon!!!
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