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Highlighted Quotes That Caught my Attention At The Moment

"I am the last monarch of the old world. As Emperor, it is my duty to protect my peoples from their politicians" -Franz Joseph, Emperor of Austria-Hungary

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In Which Civilization has a SimCity moment, a bad omen

Hello there, my good friend, kind reader of this post! Happy Friday! Hopefully another beautiful day, maybe we should indeed give it the benefit of the doubt! How are you, my friend? How have you been? I have not write much these days, alas... It is that thing of having some stuff in my head but not being able to take them out to my satisfaction. I mean, we could as well be seeing the collapse of the Civilization franchise, for example. I think I wrote it before here, that I am not optimistic about this title, that their heart (if at all) is in the wrong place for this entry... I could smell the miasma, but now it is clear: reality is even worse than the predictions and projections of before. The Steam consensus, this morning, got as low as 33%, an absolute catastrophic number for the franchise, it is a snapshot of the bad User Interface, the lack of customisation on the game, its mechanics ossifying the main building, or ot is what is implied on even the milder of reviews. I did not h...
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In Which I beg God for some hours of relief

I can only say to you, my dear friend, and kind reader of this post, happy October! And of course, a good morning, and the best the day can offer. As for me... I feel sad to say it, but to express that the past few weeks have been truly terrifyingly bad, bad in a way I haven't seen since 2014, would be understating the agony I have been through, mentally. As an example, Saturday, Sunday and yesterday, which was a Monday, I could not eat. I was repulsed by food. It is a special kind of manic depression, the one I am facing at the moment. I can only beg to God in his mercy to save me, and humbly request to His kindness to concede my life, my joy of living, back. This I do washed in endless tears, because I am terrified of another month of this. I don't want it, I don't want this, I want my life back, or whatever joy I had. I want to play the games I did again, feeling joy in them. I want to have at least a bit of strenght to try new games, even. I want to draw again, I want to not feel like I am smashed by a million tons of lamentation all the time. I can't take this. I am yelling at the top of my lungs: please, God, give me the ability to feel happiness again. I am scared like I have not been in years, of having another second of this burning ennui. I don't want it. I cannot fathom another month of such terrible burning chronic boredom, numbness, inability to feel like I should exist in the first place. I am crying for help, and even so, I am scared of being this vulnerable, people can offer their help and make ir so much worse as result. This could be chemical imbalance, I am out of my meds for the most of September, because of logistic issues. I pray that it is. I hope it is not heavenly punishment for something I did wrong. I hope it is not arbitrary melancholy that no matter what I do, it won't go away. Let it be chemical imbalance, easier to solve, than a massive and huge crisis of meaning that will consume me. I am crippled, I can't do things. I don't feel capable of moving. I can only beg for an enduring October, one day at a time. That is all. Please, dear reader, my good friend, my dear good friend that I so adore and want you by my side, forgive me for not being able to write much this month of September. I just could not, and I felt absolutely smashed for not being able to write... I want my life back. I want to be happy, or at least not as miserable, anymore, ever again. Ever. Again. Ever again, God spare me from this, I can't survive this.... Ah... just give me relief. Relief, cold water, a bit of... something good. Is this too much to ask? I just want some days of rest. Of recovery. This is what I want for October. And if He does not give it to me, I won't speak ill of Him, I won't stop believing. I won't forsake Christmas, I love Christmas. I love the season. It will just be so hard for longer if I am not offered just some hours of happiness... If He decides not to offer relief, it is okay, but God, if you do, you may as well have truly saved me. Thank you either way...

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