I want to wish you a good morning, dear friend, reader of the present post. There has been a difficult set of days. Immense anxiety, and agony that is quite hard to explain. Self doubt has been a constant. I wrote the apology here, and just opened up my heart over the woes of the mind and what was lost in translation, towards Adam, and the fact it was a good thing, I think, it also caused in me immense anguish. I want to say that he is an immense and extraordinary human no matter if I never get closure on my end or not. Sadness is no excuse to ever naysay anyone. But sadness there is. That wall of deep fog, the one that is a wall, a blank curtain that allows for no continuation. That is how I feel. And the desperation of the void. Perhaps one could tell as depression, I do not desire to use the clinical language here. Just quiet desperation. And lonely melancholia.
That said, today I am, for some hours, okay. It has been hard to keep heads up. Most times, my main hobby does not provide me relief. Most feels tasteless, the reasons not to play them I am quick to summarize, while the merits are hard to come by. How frustrating. Not all days will provide alleviation as easily, but anyway... I am okay, I hope I can have a nice August, perhaps I will, it is my birthday month! I like birthdays a lot, those are happy occasions and with all the woes, you are still alive! You have defied the odds, and have completed another cycle of 365 days! You get kind words from people that like you, and you like them. You get gifts too, and I love those. And you are still going. I could never think the other way and treat it as a day. Could be hard to celebrate ir in the actuall date, the past years have been lackluster, and I am fragile this year as well, but concerning the occasion, it is a happy one.
Just my birthday month, I wonder if I would be able to switch phones, perhaps, though finances are difficult, and I have other concerns as well. Ah, I would love a more modern iPhone, God knows I have an emotional tie with Apple products, at least the portable devices, I could never try the conputers, never had the chance. Not yet. Switching phones would be a lovely small project. Specially due to my current one being confined to 64gb, in today's storage economy, that is nothing at all. We should see how it goes.
I should wrap up today's publication around here. I hope to be back soon, probably in August, and write some more. I should be happy I did write at all, at the end of today. I decidedly am not a fan of late afternoons, 5 to 6 PMs, those are my least productive hours of the day. But it is what it is. I am happy to be here. I am happy to see you. I pray for better moments, and for a reasonably joyful August. See you again real soon, don't worry. I wish you the best, farewell.
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