In Which we have a September alongside Crisis, Ballet, and Christmas Expectation

Happy Wednesday, my good friend, dear reader of this post! How are you? As for me, I am okay... as okay as I could be, given how extremely turbulent the month of September has been, specially mentally. I have had days of much melancholy and boredom is corroding my will to live. As an example with what I have to deal with, conflicts with my brother become more rispid, as the distance between us mount further. Gaming brings no joy most of the time. I do feel like in a dead end. Energy levels are bellow 0, I am happy if I can get out of bed, at all. Fortunately, today was above average, so I am using this to write a post on the blog, I haven't had the chance to do it in a while. It was a month of low productivity, and given how depressed I've become, I am surprised I managed to do anything at all. How I miss dear Johannes, I wish we could chat at some point, he is usually absent, and we do not have the chance to chat most of the time. Fortunately, today was relatively above average, and I did listen to some music, specially the famous ballet Sleeping Beauty by the composer Tchaikovsky. What glorious music.

I think most must be tired of me as well, because I don't bring much positive things to the life of no one, that I am aware of. I am too tired to feel anything about this. I feel numb. It is a personal crisis. I can't do much about it. As I said, I am tired. Sometimes I have the impression I will be tired forever. Maybe I'd like that because it would give me some mental constancy instead of such turbulence...  I think what I can say is that I am grateful if you are still here, given how things go. I can only say Christmas could not come sooner. If I have a bad season, it is not fault of the beautiful holiday that is so close to my heart. It is not on the Birth of our savior, or on the gifts I may not receive. I still love the music, the decorations, the excuse to talk to old estranged friends and tell them I still like them. We all need those excuses, I loathe people that dislike them. Miserable, all of them, want to ditch the holiday over their post-modern Nihilism. Not me, I fight those people. It almost makes me want to be happy, not due to personal satisfaction, but out of spite, to bitterly cause them pain. Such is my natural tendency of being a contrarian. So, I hope for at least one reasonable day, this late September, beginning of October. Maybe a friend will come by and we will talk. Anyway... I really needed to ellaborate on this. Thank you for being here, you are a nice friend! Wish you the best! See you again hopefully soon.