Good morning, friend, reader of this post! Happy Wednesday! How do you find yourself on this week, so far? I got sick over the last one. I caught the flu, and though it was not as strong in the first days, on the weekend it spiked into a dangerous direction. Saturday, I coughed my lungs away, and I coughed so much that my muscles were aching. I tried everything to alleviate the coughing. I made some tea out of citrus, garlic and ginger, which was of no avail. I got myself some honey, it also did not help. Some meds for the flu were unefective as well. The only thing that helped was a mix of cough syrup and tablets for easing my throat ache. With this, Sunday I also did cough, but much less, and less so on Monday and so on. I am almost cured from this ailment, but some of it sticks with me, much to my disappointment. When I think I am entirely out of the disease zone, I start coughing again... in any case, the worst is past. I survived Saturday, that is all I can say.
Magnificent painting, done by Nicolay Bogdanov-Belsky (1868-1945), in 1920, just wanted to share it here with you all!
As for my mood, it has been varying, unstable. Not as violently as in September, but I still am plagued by bad questioning that does not help in any way to make me have a nice productive and joyful existence. Moments of doubt, thinking: what is the meaning of this, why am I here, why do I play games, does it matter anyway? Is it all for not? And so on. I do not understand why am I being plagued by such mood, still. Maybe it is the utilitarian way that people approach my hobbies, such as gaming. The physiological approach of "scratch that itch" (Hate this expression), the approach of escapism that I consider quite coward, I can't help but to do so. I am harsh on my judgement at times, and as such, I hold myself to standards I cannot always meet, specially with my natural lethargy. Not only that, but since the ones I play being more based on replayability, I just get frustrated when I feel I am repeating myself. When it is a sandbox game, I hate when I feel like I am just, in an empty way, filling a void of space without an aim in mind. And with other activities such as reading: a word feels like too much of an effort to read. On writing: the empty page is oppressive. With drawing: The pencil weight a thousand tons. And on listening to any music: seconds drag like hours and it has no end. And I crave an ending, closure. Meaning. Meaning that I cannot seem to find...
Of course, could be much worse. I am not going through another month of September. As for the rest of today, I am happy I could write, even if it is a post of lament. Maybe I could try a game if I am up for it, but the trend for now is stay in bed and lay down... maybe I will nap as well.
So, maybe it is the time to wrap today's post. When will I return to this publication with more words? I cannot tell for certain, but hopefully by the weekend. Until then, wish you the best, my friend, and may the rest of the week goes fine! Farewell!! See you again real soon!
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